WHAT THE FUCK??

Ovipositor – Oakland Manor

Fuck me, the artwork on this thing is unsettling. The eyes follow you round the room, the mean gleam, cruelly reminiscent of a serial sex offender fixing on a victim. In truth, it’s hard work having the thing propped up in front of me as I type.

Pawing over their press release, as people in my position are expected to do, I note that they’re often compared to Sonic Youth, the inference being that this might be lazy writing. It’s not. There are similarities, especially with the classic Evol / Sister period, but that’s not the whole story. Pere Ubu are in the mix, and so is any number of post-punk noiseniks, but there’s enough going on here to give Ovipositor the benefit of the doubt. I like it.
(Arbeit Macht Dinge Records)
www.myspace.com/ovipositor
og

The Adventures of David (1)

David belongs to Ruth. Ruth belongs to anyone. How can this go on?

It’s Sunday morning and David wakes early. He dresses quickly and walks down to the petrol station on the corner of their street. He leaves Ruth sleeping peacefully in their bed.

He buys The Observer newspaper (Ruth especially likes the supplements) and a litre of white spirit. He enjoys a slow walk home, offering a clipped “good morning” to everyone he passes. It’s a bright day.

At home, he goes to the cupboard under the stairs and removes his toolbox. He chooses a long fat chisel and a rubber mallet. The mallet they’d bought specially for camping, though they’d never troubled the great outdoors.

He goes upstairs to the bedroom and sees Ruth still sleeping. He sits next to her, slips the chisel into her mouth, driving it home with the rubber mallet. The blade cuts easily through the gullet and lodges in the spine. A second blow from the mallet severs the bones.

Richard scatters pages from The Observer supplements around Ruth’s body and pours over the white spirit. He lights it with a box of matches Ruth keeps in a drawer next to the bed.

He takes the car out of the garage and drives away. Avalon is playing on the stereo.

Stolen News: GUY RITCHIE LAUNCHES LABEL

Guy Ritchie has set up a record label in partnership with Universal Music in order to offer a record deal to, erm, the in-house band at his pub, The Punchbowl. The label is called, erm, Punchbowl Recordings. The band? The Punchbowl Band. Yes, you're right, this is officially the end of the music industry.

Ritchie and Universal presumably hope the fact The Punchbowl Band appear on the soundtrack to the sort of film director's current film 'Sherlock Holmes' will help to get them some fans.

Confirming his new venture, Ritchie said this: "It's exciting to venture into the world of the music industry. It's a tough place, but I've witnessed this band connect with people first hand. They have every chance of being embraced by a wider audience and I genuinely wish them the very best of luck with their debut album".

Stolen News: SHAKIN STEVENS FOUND GUILTY OF ASSAULTING A PHOTOGRAPHER

80s popster Shakin Stevens has been found guilty of assaulting a photographer with a microphone stand in 2008 and fined.

The incident occurred in December 2008 at the Tullyglass Hotel in Ballymena, where the singer was performing. Hugo McNeice was photographing the show and told the court that at one point Stevens had danced over to him in order to, he thought, give him "a nice tight shot", but instead the singer hit the camera with his microphone stand, breaking it.

Shaky was fined £300 for the assault and ordered to pay compensation of £479 to McNeice for damage to his camera. The singer maintains that he is innocent and has said that he will appeal the ruling.

The Headlocks – Cuckoo Bird

Not since the heady days of The Dictators has a group caught my ear simply because of a wrestling connotation or two. Admittedly, it’s all in the name for The Headlocks, who arrive on my desk without a sparkly leotard between them. Musically, which is pretty much the point of this exercise, they’re part of the whole US jam band thing, which doesn’t mean too much on this side of the pond, though when you strip back the influences of these combos, most of them, from the Dead via Phish to these country-fried New Yorkers, there’s not a whole lot to be scared about. Think, American folk-roots, think country rock, think blues, think The Band, Tom Petty, The Jayhawks, Dylan, etc. In other words plenty of things us Brits have been lapping up for decades. The Headlocks might not be up there in that company, but they’ve no shortage of Americana groove and the songs to back them up. My recommendations, “Driving In The Dark” and “The Round Up” jangle along at a agreeable pace, the latter with a Lou Reed / Velvets inflection. “Amen Good Charles” is good ol’ time washboard folk, dragged laughing into the 21^st century, where it sounds wholly at ease. (Self-Released)

Andrew

www.myspace.com/headlocksmusic

Rodney DeCroo – Mockingbird Bible

Rodney DeCroo maybe the perfect example of the maudlin, sad-as-shit, country singer-songwriter. I like my roots with a side order of soulful melancholy, and like Townes Van Zandt, Richard Buckner and David Munyon, DeCroo dishes up the dark stuff, and drags in the listener to share a few things we’d probably be happier not knowing. Some of us, anyway. Me? I’m a man for all seasons. Autumn and winter are as essential as spring and summer. The dark nights are as beautiful as the sunny mornings, and DeCroo makes for appropriate listening when the evenings are drawing in and the chill seeps into bones. Maybe it’s his Canadian roots that allows DeCroo the luxury of sidestepping some of the more traditional elements of his preferred genre. Bleak abstractions creep into his songs like half-seen demons, intent on wresting possession from the narrator. Surreal and sorrowful lines appear and wane suddenly, like puffs of smoke, forcing the listener to rewind quickly to confirm the depression. This isn’t easy listening, but the rewards are plentiful. (Northern Electric)

Andrew

www.myspace.com/wartornman